Category Archives: Unedited

Nineveh Nudge

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I’m feeling like Jonah lately. Sort of irritated. Poking around. Kicking at the curb of my heart. Doing a “Yes, Lord?! What are you telling me?” And then being frustrated with the answer and trying to do the opposite.

Teaching your kids obedience and saying that “Honey, let’s try again. You are not the boss. Mommy and Daddy have to obey God, and you have to obey Mommy and Daddy.” Yep, we have to explain that over and over. Yeah, try to get away with being a mess before God when you say that every day to your 4 year old.

So for me, a theme is coming in these Nineveh Nudges for obedience. More like an obedience in my life in general. Down to the core obedience. Heart obedience. The kind of obedience I like to pretend that I am always good at, but I know I’m not. There are two specific situations where I really believe God may be calling me, and I realize I really don’t want to do it. I’ve realized I’m really getting stubborn. I’m really starting to pull a lot of “No, thanks God. Think I’ll go for a sail, instead” moments.

And it’s sort of annoying when you know you are getting a nudge in a certain direction, or you know you need to get yourself in check with a specific scripture you just read. And then you realize you absolutely don’t want to do what you know is right. Grrr.. Nineveh Nudges!

But, I’d rather take a Nineveh Nudge then be in the belly of the fish! And it’s scary stuff, too. Arguing with God. C’mon! I say this a bit in jest; but this is just the truth of what goes on in my head. I dare say, it probably goes on in most of our heads and hearts if we really listen. If we are really honest. But, we’ve got to call it what it is.

And I think admitting you are not really wanting to do something is helpful. It helps our “calling” less about our strength and ideas, and more about His power by the Holly Spirit. So, we better start marching toward Nineveh when we get the Nineveh Nudge.

Anyone else struggling with some Nineveh Nudges?

Do you recognize them right away?

Are you honest enough to say you don’t always like what you know is the right thing to do?

Dear Jack. I mean Mr. C. S. Lewis

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Dear Jack,

May I call you that? You and I are going to become friends again this year. Maybe it’s too soon. Maybe I should stick with Professor Lewis.

Yours, Jessica

So, I just devoured C.S. Lewis’ Letters to An American Lady. Yesterday, I devoured Randy Alcorn’s Paradox of Grace and Truth which was equally fabulous.

I read Lewis in college and as a child with the Narnia series. But, I have planned to re-read his most famous writing for the last few years. Well, I had intended to start reading again in general, and had failed. Last year, does not count. I am horrible at reading when I’m pregnant. It would have been awesome to read on bedrest. Nope. Can’t read well when I’m pregnant. I don’t know why. I can read a page six times and have no idea what I read. I think it’s a focus problem. I think when I’m overly tired or sick I just can’t think. It’s pretty lame though.

So, be prepared, I’m probably going to start quoting Lewis as often as possible. In fact, I think I’m going to probably talk right back to him. He seems the type that would enjoy that. Or rather, maybe not. But, the type convinced it necessary and would listen. This book was a fast read, of course, because it is a series of letters between Lewis and a Mrs.______/ Mary who must have become a fan of his writing; but it seems he had never met. And it wasn’t too much to digest.  Apparently after Lewis died in ’63, she gave the letters to someone as long as she remained anonymous. Of course, I’m going to have to do my homework and find out if anyone figured out who she is. But, the letters were fabulously whitty, charming, gracious, spirit filled, and funny.

Here is a little smattering of one of his excerpts when it seems that “Mrs. _________” has faced some feelings of being rejected by Friar A.

“Extra faith has been give to meet crises before, and I pray that it will be now. Be very much on guard against the growth of a feeling that Fr.A. or anyone else ‘does not sound interested’. When we are in trouble we easily think this, don’t we? And at all times, we very easily misinterpret expressions of face and tone of voice. Often, too, the person we speak to is at the moment full of troubles we know nothing about….”

Oh, dear Jack, you mean to say it is not about me? You mean to say that when I am hurting that all of the world is not against me. I mean, of course, it is against me because it’s the world. But, to say my feelings may not reflect reality. Will you please leave me alone with al l this truth?!

He also addresses some subjects repeatedly throughout the years of their conversation including issues on being a busybody, accepting help, accepting forgiveness, etc. His most candid conversation with her is basically about not freaking out over dying. “…I am overjoyed at the blessed change in your attitude to death….For you were rather badly wrong on that subject. ..” I seriously forgot his humor. I want to write more about his entire conversation on death. It’s too fabulous for a smattering post.

This is another statement that has made us fast friends. “I love the empty, silent, dewy, cobwebby hours…”

Me, too. Jack! I love them! Although, it’s become a bit more challenging to great them alone since the two littest men in my home love them also. My favorite moments are in the summer, when it’s balmy and sticky at 6 am and the world is waking up. To creep outside with my hands wrapped around a cup of coffee and a Bible and notebook tucked under my arm. My new home has a balcony off our bedroom. I love it…even though it’s a bit invaded by the street below. Even for a moment, the quiet of the world waking up. The possibility of all the day could hold. The sky so empty and still. The silence that captures the voice of God in moments of stillness that lends way to the chirping birds, or the honking geese, and school bus’ squeeky tires and flashing fog lights.

“It is simply my lifelong experience — that men are more likely to hand over to others what they ought to do themselves, and women more likely to do themselves what others wish they would leave alone. Hence both sexes must be told ‘Mind your own business’, but in two different senses!” 

Oh, touche, mon amie, Jacques. M’avez-vous écrit ces lettres ?

This is too much fun. I also agree with you, Jack, about all the sillyness and “racket” as you call it about using ‘Xmas’ and the frenzy leading up to Christmas, it is quite a bit much!



Days Like This

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Days like this
You look up at the sky above you
Days like this
You think about the ones who love you

Days like this
You think about the ones who went before you

Over the Rhine, Days Like This via the Long Surrendur

It’s January and cold.

We are day 7 into Awaken 21 churchwide- national fast. I’m thanking God for an amazing blessing of a warmer day today. Cold weather and I are not friends. Sort of by preference. Mainly by proxy of pain level. I hurt. I ache. My bones ache to the core. My skin burns. It’s true. I’m not making that up although saying your skin burns sounds a bit crazy. I do react to the extra hours of darkness, too.  I’m pretty sure I have SAD and would love to have one of those blue light lamps. I digress…

Today, on Sunday, my celebration Sunday of the fast, I stuff my face with a Reese’s cup, a bowl of icecream, and pancakes, the air is warm and almost 60. The sun is shining and I sat on the back porch for an hour or so with the bluebirds. Quite alone time. I feel Read the rest of this entry